1. His social media will be a HUGE giveaway. If the pre-date social media stalk reveals multiple pictures of his mog, you know the deal. You need to be prepared for the fact his cat will get more Instagram coverage than you ever will.
2. Winning over his mates and family are the least of your worries. Just saying.
3. Don't judge if your first date is in the local cat cafe. You'll be glad to know that the faint whiff you can smell isn't coming from his sweaty bus journey, nor is it his aftershave; it is the scent of numerous cat treats, mixed in with the competing aromas of fresh coffee and fishy cat breath.
4. If you've lied about being a cat person, from the way you stroke a cat he will be able to tell. Perhaps get some practise in first on the local stray down your road.
5. He'll never get bored of you sending him funny cat videos. To a cat obsessed man, the late, great Keyboard Cat (RIP) is a modern icon.
6. In fact, knowledge of famous cats is a sure-fire way to his heart. For bonus points, ask him if he saw the latest @fatcatart and @kulithesurfingcat posts on Instagram or if he read the latest edition of PussPuss (a magazine purely about fashion, women's lifestyle and posh cats – it exists).
7. Don't lunge for his cat the first time you meet. Years of spoiling his cat has turned it into a proper diva who will see you as a threat to its furniture-scratched kingdom. Be respectful and let the fluff ball come and sniff you in its own time and allow it to make the first move. Remember, this little four–legged queen of sass has the ability to go from zero to batshit furious in the flick of its tail.
8. Prepare for his cat to test its scratchy boundaries. If it decides to sink some claws into your leg, this is a test. If you let out a cry, you'll have shown weakness that the cat will thrive off - you have been warned.
9. Wave goodbye to your precious clothing. With self importance levels that even Kanye West would be proud of, his cat will sit where it wants including on your new ASOS knit. Do you think it gives a crap that it cost you £70 and that it's now out of stock? Pah, no chance.
10. He is used to snags and cat hair all over his clothing and he won't see what all the fuss is about. Trust that any attempts to remove said cat hair will be a long and fruitless struggle.
11. Cat bribes will save you. Like FIFA, cats love a bribe, so keep Dreamies on you at all times for occasions such as this. Carrying cat treats is a small price to pay for not having your clothes shredded on the regular.
12. Prepare to struggle with cat-related jealousy. Oh this gift? Yeah, it's for the cat. His rendition of 'I'm a believer' in the shower might be like listening to a Dyson Hoover choking on dried cat sick (you'll get used to it, promise) but at least he's singing about you. Oh wait, nope. It's a song sung only for his one true love - his cat. You know this and so does his cat.
13. If he asks you back to his, he's not necessarily just trying to get you into bed. His cat 'gets lonely'. So be ready to spend way more time at his place than yours.
14. He's probably not going to be the clingy type. After all, he has specifically chosen an animal that chooses to be elsewhere for large parts of its life.
15. The day you get an actual bona fide purrr from his cat will feel like the biggest victory. You are no longer deemed a code red threat and are now seen as another trusty servant lap to sit on.
16. But if he ever starts to purr, abort and get out of there. Now. You know, unless you're in to that sort of thing.
